Networking Tips for Introverts - American Society of Employers - Mary E. Corrado

Networking Tips for Introverts

Early in my career at ASE, I bought the book How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne.  I thought it would be beneficial to me since my natural style is much more introverted than extroverted.  With the help of this book and several others I have been successful in learning to play an extrovert throughout my career.  When I recently came across several lists of conversation triggers, they reminded me of things I learned through these books, and I knew I wanted to share it with our readers.  Rather you are an introvert or not, networking tips are always helpful.

The first four tips are from a past ASE keynote speaker, David Burkus, who spoke at our 2017 Compensation and Benefits Conference.  Burkus is a best-selling author, award-winning podcaster, and associate professor of management at Oral Roberts University. 

According to Burkus, research suggests that we seek out relationships where we have something in common with the other person other than the reason you are meeting them. Sociologists refer to this as multiplex ties, connections where there is an overlap of roles or affiliations from a different social context.  He gives the following example – If a colleague at work sits on the same nonprofit board as you or sits next to you in spin class at the local gym, then you two share a multiplex tie. Research suggests that relationships built on multiplex ties tend to be richer, more trusting, and longer lasting. For this reason, when networking, it’s important to ask questions that will help you find these multiplex ties.  You’ll notice the first four tips from Burkus are questions that will help you find these commonalities, which will create an intriguing conversation that you can eventually steer back to business.  They are:

1.      What excites you right now? This question allows the person to speak about something they are passionate about and can relate to work life or personal life.  Look for areas where your interests overlap.

2.      What are you looking forward to? Burkus states that this question allows the person “to choose from a bigger set of possible answers.”  I like this one, since when at a business event they are likely to discuss something they are looking forward to within their organization allowing the conversation to steer itself towards business.

3.      What's the best thing that's happened to you this year? My personal tip on this one is to be careful of your timing.  This question would seem a bit strange if asked in January or February.  But I like the concept since it allows the person to talk about virtually anything.

4.      What's the most important thing I should know about you?  Since this question is very direct, Burkus advises to never ask this as your first question.  But he states, "It gives the broadest possible range from which they can choose." He suggests using it in context, listening for clues, and waiting for the right timing.

These next five tips come from Marcel Schwantes, principal and founder, Leadership from the Core.  He is an expert on servant leadership, executive coach, and adviser.

5.      What's your story?  According to Schwantes this open-ended question allows the other person to really open up and tell an intriguing story.  He says it’s his favorite.  Personally, I’m not so sure about this one, but maybe I’ll give it a try in the right situation.  Perhaps I would phrase it differently, such as, “Tell me about your story.

6.      What is one of your defining moments?  Schwantes states that a question like this builds momentum and rapport quicker since it allows the person you are interacting with to share on a deeper level.  I like how it’s asking them to share something they are proud of.

7.      Why did you choose your profession?  This question is an excellent follow-up to the age-old question, “What do you do?” I like this question since it keeps the conversation business-related, yet gives the person the option to express their personal aspirations and talk about their career journey.

8.      What are you currently reading?  This one is my personal favorites since I love to read.  I figure I’ll either have read the book so we will have that in common and can discuss what we liked or didn’t like about it, or I’ll learn about a new book to add to my to-read list.

9.      How can I be most helpful to you right now?  This question is ideal once a comfort level has been established.  According to Schwantes, you'll be amazed how pleasantly surprised people get when asking that, and how responsive they are in their answer. I like how this question expresses your true interest in how you either personally or professionally can help the person.  Sometimes ending a conversation is just as hard as starting one, and I like this as a nice way to end a conversation.

I like that the questions are open-ended and are not just built on small talk.  I know I will not use them verbatim, but you get the point.  Do you have any good conversation starters that work well for you in these types of situations?  Please share them with me at [email protected].  Happy networking!

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